oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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