I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
