it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
