no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
