if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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