Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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