oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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