In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My vagina just clenched in fear
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