Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
