thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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