sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
