Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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