Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
