Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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