its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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