I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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