I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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