week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
