She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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