While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
