Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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