I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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