I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize