grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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