we're blogging at a bar
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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