Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
