you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize