the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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