boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
