I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
