She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
