when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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