Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
