still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
