fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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