so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
