We won't sleep together?
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to make a zoo with you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize