honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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