So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
