hotel room ftw
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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