a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
