Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
