I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
