thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize