My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize