trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
