I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
