Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
