He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
