Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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