so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
