morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
