when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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