if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
