If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize