would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
