i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
