hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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