DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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