with your own penis?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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