Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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