I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
