chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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