Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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