i think i have two assholes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
