hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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