i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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